


pour sugar on me (because I'm too bitter)

by brainoverdriving (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Rockband AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 03:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/brainoverdriving
Summary: Jongdae turned out to be a vocalist in a rock band, Chanyeol was actually the drummer when he tried to be sober and Kyungsoo tried to be a manager. Jongin was assigned to be the delivery guy and later Baekhyun became their electric guitarist. Somewhere on their way, Sehun turned out to be their best bassist and things changed since then.





	pour sugar on me (because I'm too bitter)

**Author's Note:**

> it was in chapters on aff, but i decided to put as oneshot bc it isn't so long.

-1-  
“Am I the only sober one here?”

“Says the one who is on his fifth beer, go for it, Jonginnie, you might end up worse that Chanyeol who’s high as fuck.” Jongdae said while he was sipping from his mix of one third cola and two third whiskey – he was laughing like some mad hyena while having Chanyeol’s head on his lap.

“At least I’m still sane and I need it for classes.” Jongin hiccupped and snored so deeply that he was sure whatever he had in his nose reached his brain and knocked him out, maybe he was drunk but he didn’t sign for this history of dance with art thing he was supposed to study for whole semester. It was Taemin, because he was bitter that Minho fucked Jongin and eventually Jongin fucked Taemin. Cool time, Jongin didn’t remember any of it.

“Dude, you just have to fuck your damn prof and you’re on and out of there with three As.” Kyungsoo commented once he walked inside their shared flat with quite a lot of letters and deeper frown than usual. “Do we have bassist?”

“I don’t think we have simple electric guitarist either, Baekhyun is out of the city with his boyfriend Minseok and their corgi puppies having an orgy in the mountains or some shit like this.” Jongdae said with disgusted expression on his face while Chanyeol decided that Jongdae’s fingers were for eating too and he was having the time of his life while biting them.

“If this is their life, how do I sign up for this? I give up trying to be a rich journalist and I want to be an orgy ambassador.” Jongin groaned and sipped some more from his beer, he had to bring some vodka and knock himself out with it. Maybe Chanyeol would have a brandy somewhere so he had to look for it.

“If this is your future plan, be like Chanyeol – the only time he’s sober is when he’s playing because he won’t get the notes right.” 

“I didn’t know drummers have to read notes.” Jongin was confused, he thought the drummers knew the notes beforehand, since he couldn’t explain to himself how they could move so much and shake their heads while playing and still somehow in between all the mess read notes and act as if they knew what the actual fuck they were doing.

“Who knows man, I didn’t know I had to keep my teeth out of the mic before I break my teeth, so I don’t question anything anymore.” Jongdae finally pushed Chanyeol away then and moved up to do some more of his mix. Jongin decided that he’s going to knock himself out with Jongdae’s whiskey. 

“We might be the best damn rock band of our time and we’re gonna have the nini man do our interviews!” Chanyeol suddenly jumped on the couch he was lying down on and said excitedly. Jongin could only frown at the nini man part but hum in agreement because it meant they were successful adults outside of university into the real life adult shitty world and full with heavy messy money in their wallets. Yeah, this was good.

“For fuck’s sake you junkie mother fuckers wake up!” Jongin jumped when he heard the low roaring of Kyungsoo a couple of steps away from him, glaring at them while holding a pink letter. It was funny, because Kyungsoo was usually so scary but he looked so soft with the pink hat on his head which his mom asked him to wear and the pink letter in his hand, he was precious.

“Babe, let me suck you off.” Chanyeol winked at Kyungsoo and laughed like a maniac when Kyungsoo tried to kick him. It was this thing about Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, with the mix of Jongdae from time to time that Jongin couldn’t name but hell, they were happy so who cared.

“What is it?” Jongin hoped he sounded at least a little bit excited about the possibility of his friends to play. Jongdae was like some god while singing and Jongin was all for it as long as he could grab a drink and stop speaking with random people that he needed to make them come to the club his friends were.

“Some chicks owning the club Midnight Seduction…yes this is the name of it” Jongin snored at the name and Kyungsoo just glared at him before clearing his throat and kept on talking. “We need to call Baekhyun and bring him out of his orgy heaven or whatever he’s doing. Also we need someone on the bass and we’re going to be the best.”

Jongin stayed quiet on his spot, he couldn’t call Taemin anymore – they were still friends but the last time when Krystal got drunk and end up smooching someone else and not Taemin, the mess grew bigger than the Minho mess. They could call Jeongguk but the guy was too busy to come with them and no one else was willing. Jongdae came next to him and leaned on him, he had a deep serious look on his face.

“Don’t you think this Sehun guy would be a good idea?” he asked thoughtfully. “I heard that he’s good as far as he’s not fucking someone or studying.”

“I don’t think so. I haven’t seen him anywhere close to some instrument.” Jongin knew Sehun and he wasn’t exactly fond of him. He was a strange person, he looked like the rich guys who were nerds but he was also quite the rebellious type of a guy.

“Well, we didn’t know you can dance ballet either, but here we are.” Jongdae said and turned back to Kyungsoo. “I’ll speak with him and ask him for one time trial thing and have the night at this seduction place.”

“Don’t we have to hear him play first?” Chanyeol asked quietly. “As far as I know the dude can snore coke as a pro but he can’t sing to save his life.”

“It’s not that he can’t his voice is too low for the shitty songs they made him sing when we were in this shitty vocal training.” Jongdae rolled his eyes and sighed again. “Let him play first then, we can decide later.”

“Let’s have Jongin to do the thing, they’re the same age and shit probably can be more helpful than Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo literally dismissed them since then and Jongin wanted to drink his anger with the Jongdae’s whiskey and he did.

The next day was the worst day of Jongin’s life because he was sure he was sober but he couldn’t focus on the object in front of him and everything was blurry. He was such a good student that he was late to realize that the presentation about his biology class was for the same day and he had to deliver tasty smelling fried chicken while multitasking with his laptop and Google to make his presentation at least pretty enough to pass.

Jongdae had managed to bring Baekhyun back who had spent half of the day teasing the shit out of Jongin about how dead drunk he had been and how much he looked like a ghost and honestly, Jongin couldn’t even deny it. He was sure he was going to puke his insides out when he woke up and checked out the text from Taemin reminding him about his presentation with the words: “put clothes which will make you look less homeless as you usually do, dude”.

Somewhere in between his fifth delivery and tenth try to find enough information for his presentation and smiling sweetly at the clients, Oh Sehun walked into the small fried chicken shop where Jongin was working at. He looked as if he had died and looked just as pathetic as Jongin was feeling when he walked to order something to eat. Jongin wasn’t surprised when he saw the Jackson dude to walk after Sehun, looking as if he was ready to murder someone and lean on Sehun, while frantically whining. Jongin couldn’t explain what else would be doing grown ass man leaning on another and pouting as if someone had kicked his puppy, he must be whining. This was the same look Jongin had when he whined.

Sehun looked more like he was slapped in the face than happy when the food came in front of his face, Hyuna was nice enough to give him napkins and send him a flying kiss when she noticed how Sehun was eyeing her. Jongin expected some kind of flirty reply back, since Sehun was known for this shit and if Jongin said shit one more time, he was sure he’d write it down on his presentation and screw his future of somehow nice student out of his window. Being a delivery guy through his whole life was nice enough, as long as he didn’t get selfish and wanted to buy something for more than twenty bucks.

Sehun just bowed politely at Hyuna and pushed the chicken towards Jackson before walking away and Jongin didn’t miss the dark lines on his arm. It was rare for Sehun to wear something which wasn’t hiding his arms, but now the shirt’s sleeve was slightly up and Jongin could swear he saw a tail of a dragon out there and he was excited. The dude might be hardcore and Jongin was all in for having a badass man in Jongdae’s still dead rock band.

Jongin turned back to his presentation when he realized he had two hours before his class and Hyuna gave him some milkshake she did to hype him up. He was happy for this, he was happy for having her, if he could, he’d marry her, she was this precious for him right now. However, in between all the thoughts running inside his brain he still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he was low key part of a rock band.

When Jongdae came to him loud and shouting how he was going to be a vocalist of a rock band, Jongin was one step away from committing suicide because Jongdae almost pushed him out of the window and Jongin was shouting at him to calm the fuck down. But he was just in his first year in university, pretty lost in life if it wasn’t for Jongdae who apparently met his high school buddy Chanyeol, who was forever drunk and somehow Jongin always doubted the guy was really drunk because no one who was drunk would manage to ace all his exams and still be drunk. But Chanyeol was the drunk wild man who brought them to the rock club where he did the drums and honestly he was so good that Jongdae couldn’t help but let out his voice out and Jongin was there jamming to the song as if they were the best. And they were, but maybe Jongin was biased.

When Kyungsoo decided to be their manager was because Jongin brought him to the club where Jongdae and Chanyeol were playing with two other guys who were too high to do the notes right but Jongdae and Chanyeol managed to save the night and Kyungsoo decided that if his friends were going to be stars they should do it with better people by their side and at a place which didn’t stink so much of piss and sweat. They were all surprised when Kyungsoo suddenly put them out at the best clubs with somehow decent players. On their fourth month Baekhyun showed up with his puppy smile and happy shouting voice matching Jongdae’s and he said he could sing but he could play all the guitars existing on this world and Chanyeol pulled him in for a hug and gave him the biggest smooch on the face.

Since then Baekhyun was their savior when they couldn’t find a good bass guitar player. Baekhyun indeed knew what the fuck he was doing with his fingers when he played and sometimes only the three of them were enough but sometimes it was too much because Jongdae wasn’t as good at playing as the other two and when he tried the harmony was bad and the tone wasn’t right. So sometimes they called Taemin, who was generally decent but he didn’t play since he was ten and he had hard time keeping up with them. Other times it was Hyuna who was naturally talented but she was too busy with managing her chicken shop and life with a creepy boyfriend to be their savior all the time. But she was always there with beer and chicken when they were disappointed.

Sometimes they put Jongin out there singing the slower songs, when they needed Jongdae to play and Jongin was their small hope of blinding the people how out of tune they were. Apparently Jongin had that face which would make the people stare at him in awe and fall for him only because he was out there and the light was on him. 

“I can shout you know.” He mentioned once, even though his voice was kind of soft, deep but soft and he was more on the ballad side than anything, he found out that he could roar the hell out of his voice when he had to scream at his dog to stop running.

“You better be our ballad man and let Jongdae do the screaming.” Chanyeol said and eyed him as if he had lost his sanity.

So eventually they used him to bring people to their so called small insignificant concerts and Jongin was delivering the small cards to the people in the university, apparently his smiles were enough to bring everyone, because the money they got from the club owners because of the people they brought were enough to pay their university tuition. Or maybe not but they could keep their shared flat and still have enough to buy food. 

However, the bass player was always the struggle. They were either too confident, not enough understanding to follow the whole flow of the band or they were too weak and not enough motivated to bring life in their performance. It was something they needed in their small circle to make them complete and Jongin doubted this one thing would be Sehun. It wasn’t that he thought that Sehun would bring more trouble than anything good but he was sure that Sehun wasn’t good enough to be out there with his friends.

He knew that he shouldn’t judge the book by its cover but with Sehun was hard not to. When they were in high school, Sehun was always one year below him, Jongin knew all the rumors about him and none of them were good. Although Sehun looked like the best student ever, the names coming with him were too bad. He was the slut, the ass licker, the teacher's favorite pet and the names went on. Which was right and which was wrong, Jongin didn’t know but he was sure that at least a little bit would be true. It wasn’t once or twice that Jongin had seen Sehun walk out of the school toilet looking wrecked and fucked out of his brains.

He was sure that if he needed someone in his friend’s band, that someone was supposed to be serious about his part and not fucking around. But the plan to approach Sehun wasn’t as easy as everyone thought. Even when both of them knew each other, they had never been close and there was a small accident in Jongin’s second year of high school where Sehun and he got closer than they had to.

Fucking Sehun back then was good because both of them were drunk, they still didn’t know what they were doing, Jongin more than Sehun and honestly losing his so called virginity to Sehun wasn’t so bad, even though they were drunk and Sehun was more than happy to ride his dick, they never spoke about it later. Only woke up, less drunk and more sober than either of them wished, smiled awkwardly at each other and walked away. It was strange but Jongin didn’t regret it, especially because they didn’t have any mutual friends.

However, not the lack of mutual friends was the reason why Jongin didn’t know how to approach Sehun. His last option was to push Sehun into the toilets and speak with him like the bastard he was and then hopefully snatch a kiss or two from Sehun, because if Jongin thirsted over Sehun for some time now was his own dirty little secret.

But probably his angry glares at Sehun worked out because a few days later Sehun walked back into the chicken shop and he walked straight to Jongin instead to Hyuna to order something and from the look of it he wasn’t so happy being here. Jongin stared at him and wondered if he was high without knowing because Sehun was with a messy hair, big fat dark circles under his eyes and a white t-shirt which showed the big ass dragon circling around Sehun’s left arm and Jongin thought it suited Sehun.

“So are you going to spill why are you glaring at me for the last couple of days?” Sehun asked quietly, he wasn’t angry and Jongin sighed with relief. Sehun was curious and honestly Jongin would be too if he had been stared at like this too.

“My band needs a decent bassist and I heard that you’re good. Do you want to try it out?” Jongin said quietly, his eyes were pleading or so he hoped because Sehun stayed quiet for a while before humming and nodding.

“Just tell me the place and the time and we’ll see what I can do about it.” Sehun smiled sweetly at Jongin and maybe the latter remembered why he was so willing to fuck Sehun years ago.

“Perfect!” Jongin took out a small paper out of his notebook and wrote everything Sehun needed. He gave it to him and smiled at Sehun, he was happy but for what reason he wasn’t sure. He didn’t even know what Sehun could do.

“Okay then, until later.” Sehun turned around to walk away and just then Jongin remembered why he was so reluctant about Sehun joining them.

“Hey, Sehun, if you’re in, you should stop all the funny business you’ve been doing until now. People speak.” Jongin said seriously and Sehun laughed at him.

“And maybe you shouldn’t be listening to people so much too. Goodbye, Jongin.”

And maybe he shouldn’t be but he couldn’t help when he felt bitter taste in his mouth when he heard the rumors.  
-2-  
When Sehun walked inside the small studio Jongdae managed to find in their university for the band to practice and generally be lazy while planning their future music, Jongin didn’t expect half of the things which happened.

Sehun walked inside with the words of “I fucking own it and if you still don’t want me, don’t fucking bother approaching me again.” It was cool, as long as Sehun didn’t come with his own guitar, frown on his face and fucking leather pants which looked too good on him. No one in the room said anything, Jongin was close but Kyungsoo stopped him with a hand on his chest and a shake of his head, apparently Sehun wasn’t in the mood to be approached.

And the last thing for Jongin to accept was the fact that Sehun indeed owned it. He was sure that he had never listened to someone playing so in tune with his friends’ music as Sehun did while staying on a chair, frowning over the lyrics and looking as if he was close to commit a mass murder than playing rock music. It was a sight, Jongin looked at Kyungsoo whose face looked as if he was a kid on a Christmas party, Jongdae was close to crying, Chanyeol had to be held by Baekhyun because the guy looked ready to jump on Sehun. So Sehun was accepted and probably he was part of the band and Jongin felt bitter.

Not only bitter, he thought, maybe surprised and disappointed because he didn’t want Sehun so close to him and his friends. Eventually his friends would be Sehun’s friends and maybe things would get deeper than they were and if some of them slipped and did something, which Jongin doubted, but he had his fair share of dumb drunk decisions through the years, he knew he wouldn’t be surprised if he wakes up next to Sehun.

Once Sehun was done and looked up at them, he looked pleased because he knew he nailed it and everyone knew they couldn’t say anything because he was this good and Jongin couldn’t find the smallest reason why this guy shouldn’t be with them. Jongdae went to pat Sehun’s shoulder and announced that he was the new member of the band. 

“No coke, young man.” Chanyeol spoke with serious voice and Sehun arched an eyebrow at him.

“I only drink it with ice, man, why should I stop it.” Sehun replied back and Chanyeol was finally excited.

“I love this dude already, Kyungsoo, let’s keep him.”

Kyungsoo moved closer to Sehun, the final word came to him because no matter what happened he was the reason why Baekhyun was here in first place and if he thought that Sehun wasn’t the thing they were looking for, they’d listen to him and screw Sehun right away. But Jongin knew this wasn’t the case because Kyungsoo had this small soft smile which meant he was proud of what he saw and what he heard so Sehun was in.

“Welcome to the family, Sehun.” Both of them shook their hands and Sehun smiled slightly at him. “However, I hope you’d lessen the actions which bring rumors around you. I don’t know how many of them are true but I wish to not come to our band.”

“No problem, man.” Sehun said as it was so easy to be done that he could just blink and everything was going to be over and forgotten. Jongin certainly couldn’t forget about it.

Once they were done and ready to go, Sehun was fast to excuse himself that he had to do something but he was nice enough to give his phone number to all of the guys, even Jongin, although he looked reluctant to do it. Jongin played it nice, he was going to be bitching later but for now he was glad that they finally got the missing piece of their band and he could finally show to everyone the real potential his friends had. For the time being, however, he knew he had to get questions. He was the only one who wasn’t so fond of the idea of having Sehun around and he knew his friends. They were going to ask him questions.

The moment they walked into Hyuna’s shop, she greeted them with a smile and Jongin was more than happy to go back at the kitchen to help her prepare all the things for them to eat. It was often someone else at the kitchen but right now it was too late and she wasn’t working at all. It was only because Jongin texted to ask if she was willing to adopt them for the night and she was happy to do so. Even though she was only slightly older than them, she loved taking care of them.

At some point while Jongin was bringing the first portion of fried chicken out, Hyuna walked to him and leaned on the counter. Jongin knew that she had noticed what was going to happen and probably she was sent to ask him about Sehun too. He wouldn’t be surprised, it was usually Jongdae making Hyuna come to him and ask. This was the reason why they all knew about the drama Taemin-Minho and all this.

“I won’t ask you because I don’t think it’s my place to do it again. But whatever there is something bad happening between you and this Sehun dude, you should tell them.” She said and took the chicken from him so this gave him some more time to prepare the speech which wouldn’t make sense. Jongin wasn’t sure what was so bad between both of them. They had never had anything for which they had to speak about to get on well, they just fucked once and forgot about it. Or maybe they tried to forget it. 

Jongin was grateful that once he walked towards their table with the last portion of fried chicken and some bottles of beers, no one asked him anything. Maybe it was Hyuna and her great soul that said anything to them, which would make them stay quiet, maybe it was an empty promise that the things between Sehun and he would be better in a while. Whatever it was, it helped because Jongin had one of the best nights then and he was happy to be with his friends.

However, being so close to Sehun turned out to be a mix of many emotions at once. There was the amazement at how good Sehun was, even when he did something wrong the first few times, he paid attention when the others spoke to him and in a few tries he sounded as if he had been playing the piece for years. He was loyal and it brought surprisingly nice and warm feeling in Jongin. When he promised that no more rumors would come for him, he was honest about it. No one said a new word for him and if this kept going, soon people would forget about the past rumors too.

Then there was the jealousy, Sehun turned out to be a popular guy even when there wasn’t rumors around him. Sometimes Jongin didn’t have to ask people to come to their shows because they already knew that Sehun was going to be there and they were coming. There was jealousy because this was what made Jongin part of the band, the one who brought them people and after the show they’d be happy and celebrating together. If Jongin didn’t help with anything, soon he wouldn’t have a reason to be there and simply be the supportive friend from the shadow.

However what bothered Jongin the most was the desire he suddenly started to feel towards Sehun. And now it was different than when they were in high school and barely knowing how to hold their dicks the right way. It was this unnerving but burning feeling inside him every time he saw Sehun on stage, playing around while bringing out the best tunes he could master through the whole deal. Jongdae was going to him, leaning on him and playing with him. Baekhyun and Sehun were the stars on their solo parts or the parts they had together, Jongin had never heard the public to scream so much for them as they did after Sehun was one of them.

Sehun brought the best out of them, it was such a small role, or so Jongin thought it was but it gave them all they needed. The band was complete and Sehun was the burning fire which they needed for them to shine all and individually. Sehun knew how to hype the audience, something which Chanyeol tried to do but it wasn’t enough, he was good but he was at the back and not everyone would like the drums solo. Although Jongin had always thought that Chanyeol did the best solos.

When there was Sehun’s solo, he did it differently all the time, sometimes it was the slow one, the ones which would make the couples wish to be closer and love each other, some other times it was the hard and fast pace which would make everyone jump and shout and ask for more. It was a mix of emotions and while everyone was trying to catch their breaths it was always Sehun’s turn to play around. The public loved him and Jongin could guess that Sehun loved them back.

It was three weeks later since Sehun had agreed to join them that he told them that he was once in a band too but he was kicked out since he was taking the attention that some other members wished. Then Sehun said that if they thought that he was too much, they could kindly kick him out. It was Kyungsoo who laughed first and shook his head. They all knew that they needed someone like Sehun, someone who was able to shine alone but someone who could also bring the others towards his light.

“We’d be crazy if we decide to let you go, Sehun, so shut the hell up and do your shit.” Kyungsoo patted Sehun’s back so strongly that Jongin could swear that he had heard a bone to crack but he didn’t care about it because Sehun smiled as happily as the sun was in the summer and Jongin knew he had to do something about these feelings.

However, what he had in mind about dealing with his feelings wasn’t anything to do with Sehun being pushed in one of the dirty club’s toilets and having his chest glued on Sehun’s back while he was trying to push down Sehun’s pants and grab the soft cheeks. This was out of the plan, but they got the most money since the band was a thing and Jongin was drunk. Sehun probably was drunk too because when Jongin grabbed him and pulled him closer, he didn’t say anything except sent a smirk on his way. Eventually through all the kissing and the grabbing on the dance floor, Jongin was too hard and needy to bring Sehun somewhere else other than the toilets so here they were.

They were a good team, Jongin decided, he had the lube and Sehun had the condoms. Sehun sighed with a content relief when Jongin pulled down his pants and boxers, leaving him free and hard as much as he wished. Jongin pulled Sehun’s sweater up and make him bite the hem of it so that it wouldn’t fall. With his other hand, Jongin pushed the back side of the sweater up so that he could look at the beautiful arch Sehun’s back was doing and leave kisses over the soft skin while he roughly pushed two fingers inside Sehun. The latter groaned against his sweater and leaned on his hands on the wall, taking deep breaths while Jongin waited for him to adjust. 

Jongin had put enough lube first then he put one of the condoms they had on his fingers, he didn’t want to scratch Sehun with his nails and also he was sure he’d be able to move and prepare him faster. The moment Sehun’s hips started to tremble and Sehun started to push them back towards Jongin’s fingers – he knew he could finally move. While his fingers were doing wonders inside Sehun and getting him ready, Jongin’s mouth was leaving angry marks all over Sehun’s skin and the latter barely could hold his voice back.

Jongin could remember since their first time that Sehun liked it rough and he liked to feel used but taken care of too, so once he was open enough for Jongin, Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hair and pulled his head back, so hard that Sehun couldn’t help but whimper. However, he was still hard and wet, leaking with pre come for Jongin. Both moaned together when Jongin finally got inside Sehun, up to the base, Sehun must feel so perfectly full because Jongin didn’t miss the sudden weight on him and his free arm moved around Sehun to make sure that he wouldn’t fall. 

Jongin’s hips started to work then, small but deep thrusts, he knew that Sehun could feel every touch of his dick on his prostate because he was letting out small choked moans and his body was literally doing small spasms with every deep thrust. His head was still back, leaning on Jongin’s shoulder so that his back was painfully arched, his hips up so that he could feel Jongin deeper and his legs spread. If Jongin wasn’t so gone he’d check out of Sehun’s was on his toes so that he could feel the burning in his legs even better. But for now all Jongin could do was to suck Sehun’s neck, abuse his hole with the deep thrusts which would make Sehun’s voice sound sweeter and last but not least his free hand ghosting over the place where Sehun wanted his palm the most.

The moans which Sehun was letting out were one of the sweetest sounds Jongin had ever heard and it wasn’t because he was drunk. It was because Sehun was always vocal about what he wanted and how he wanted it. Jongin was always willing to please him, even though he was denying it, he had never gone against Sehun, even now, he was doing everything which Sehun was willing to share with him. The tight heat around him and how much he couldn’t hold back his own voice and let out small stupid praises towards Sehun every time when Sehun choked out his name or pushed his nails deep inside Jongin’s hips desperately trying to push him deeper inside, everything showed how gone Jongin was for Sehun right now.

Jongin was amazed how close to mewling Sehun’s moans were when Jongin pulled his hair some more. Not only that but he was clenching around Jongin so deliciously tight that Jongin couldn’t help but seek for more and push deeper. Both of them were a shivering mess the closer they got to their climax. It was so hot and fast and deep and Jongin couldn’t even say anything else but Sehun’s name and moan yesyesyes as if it was a mantra he couldn’t stop. The closer Sehun was to his own end, the tighter he got and the deeper his nails were inside Jongin’s flesh and the more he pushed him closer. It was so warm and hot when Jongin finally came inside the condom and still inside Sehun and the latter came in his own with Jongin’s hand on him stroking him and feeling the aftershocks of their small action.

Sehun let himself lean more into Jongin while catching his breath. Jongin moved out of Sehun and stayed like this for a while, before that he took Sehun’s condom from him and tied it before throwing it away in the bin at the corner. Sehun was still panting and Jongin decided that he could kiss his sweaty neck some more and feel the satisfaction from Sehun still shivering against him. And just as good as their post sex times felt, this fast everything was gone when they opened their mouths to speak.

Maybe it was a slip of the mouth from Jongin but maybe he had meant the words exactly as they sounded, but back then he didn’t know. He was in post orgasmic bliss and he felt so content and so happy to have done it that he didn’t think of how his words would sound.

“You felt so good.” And he meant it, he had never been more satisfied of being with someone else as he did with Sehun now, but he felt how suddenly Sehun tensed and slowly moved away from him.

“So I was told.” He mumbled so quietly that Jongin wondered if he had heard right.

“What?” he asked with slight confusion because he wasn’t sure why Sehun felt suddenly so cold and distant.

“I said you’re not the only one who thought so.” Sehun replied while he was adjusting his pants and buttoning them up.

“You just can’t keep your mouth shut, can you?” Jongin felt hurt for some reason, he knew he might be the reason for the reply but the thought of Sehun whoring around wasn’t as pleasing now as maybe it was some time ago when he still had nothing to do with him.

“Maybe this time it should have been your mouth that had to be shut down.” Sehun hissed at him and pulled down his sweater, he was almost done and he was going to leave Jongin just like this.

“Oh please, everyone knows your damn history of the toilets and the random fucking.” This Jongin didn’t mean to say but he did because he felt hurt, especially his pride and the fact that he let himself be so close to Sehun again.

“Then maybe you didn’t have to make it sound as if I was your fucking whore.” Sehun roared with his voice, awfully deep and rough as if he was holding back his shouts at Jongin. “Tell the guys that I have a test tomorrow and I need to go back home. And you, Jongin, don’t get close to me.”

“You’d be the one willing to fuck me, Sehun!” Jongin shouted pathetically after Sehun, maybe then he realized he was so fucked and he spoke only because he felt hurt, because the pain he felt in his chest was closer to a broken heart than anything else. And maybe he had to run after Sehun now and apologize but instead he started to put on his clothes and walked out of the toilets as if nothing had happened.

Chanyeol spared him a strange look, as if he knew something or he wished to know more, but Jongin didn’t let him ask and he kept on having his own fun. He decided that maybe he was going to get another guy to bring him home and he knew he wouldn’t regret it. He wasn’t doing anything wrong because Sehun was never meant to be his. However, he wasn’t sure if he was meant to be Sehun’s, because through the whole night his heart kept on bleeding for Sehun and the fact that he let him go.  
-3-  
There were three things that Jongin found out about himself after that night when he acted like some royal class bastard, he was apparently because Kyungsoo was the one who spoke to him about how he should keep his filter on no matter how drunk he was. Something which Jongin was sure he wouldn’t remember when he was drunk but he was sure it was nice to hear about it once in a while in his life.

So the first thing he found out was that maybe when he was in high school he had a crush on Sehun and maybe this crush had never left him and maybe once he saw Sehun in the university, he was again on the crush wave but mixed with denial and some harsh words following it. In other words Jongin had doomed himself like a pro because Sehun didn’t even bother meeting his eyes anymore and maybe this wasn’t the best option about turning your long crush into potential lover, despite fucking each other twice. 

The second thing was that avoiding Sehun was so much easier than he thought. They had no classes together and when Jongin was out of his – Sehun was in his and it was perfect. When Sehun was with the band it was at the times when Jongin was at work or somewhere in class, which was the best option really. Hyuna might have mentioned that Jongdae was worried about them and Jongin said nothing about it, because what he could say, really.

The third was a mix of a few more, for example the need to kiss Sehun was stronger than fucking him and also he actually missed the guy. Before he was acting like a hidden stalker while knowing what he was doing with his observations towards Sehun without anyone messing with his life. But now he couldn’t do even this and it was pathetic because he had never thought that his eyes fell intentionally over Sehun but apparently it was another realization about his own pathetic self.

Jongin was sure that Sehun acted as if nothing happened. He knew this because this was what happened in high school and maybe Jongin had been bitter since then. Well bitter with a mix of betrayal and some crazy stalker like activities but in general he was hurt back then. Now he was doing the hurting and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to apologize now or later when he actually felt content about it. 

It passed only three weeks, the longest Jongin had ever lasted before someone of his friends approached him with the topic of concern they had. And this time it was Taemin who was still kind of reluctant to speak with him because no matter how they look at it, they both hurt each other, Jongin more than Taemin did but their friendship was stronger. However, it was nice when your kind of an ex one night stand and still potential best friend was approaching you with the topic about your possible long lost crush for century. Jongin was close to having a mental break down because of his upcoming exams and the deep talks about Sehun and his own heart were too much for Jongin’s sanity.

“Hey, man, what’s up with you and Sehun?” Taemin asked as if he was asking what the weather was and Jongin didn’t appreciate it a lot. All he could do then was to glare at Taemin and sigh because he couldn’t pass through this question without asking.

“I fucked up and now I avoid him.” Jongin replied shortly and moved his attention back over his books, he had to be a hero and finish three books with three hundred pages each for his exam in five days. 

“And you fucked up because you called him a whore?” Jongin’s attention snapped up at his friend again in a slight annoyance and a lot of confusion in the mix. “Don’t look at me like this, I know you and I know the rumors, it isn’t so hard to put two and two together.”

“At times like this I’m not sure if I love you or I hate you.” Jongin sighed and wished to go and hit his head on the wall enough so that his brain would be all over the place and he could finally stop existing, but at the same time he wasn’t so crazy to do it and he didn’t want to die yet, so all he could do was to put his chin on his palm and pout.

“Dude, all your friends are coming to me so that I can bring the nice sweet Jongin back and make you apologize to Sehun.” Taemin spoke up, slightly annoyed but the amusement was too obvious to be hidden. “I know what had happened with Sehun in high school and I honestly wouldn’t ask you do something like this while you’re not ready yet. But please don’t act like a kid and stop avoiding the dude, he’s nice enough to say that you’re probably busy and you can’t come to the band meeting.”

“How do you know this?” Jongin frowned, Taemin was barely going to the meetings and suddenly he sounded as if he was a permanent member there.

“Because when you don’t go I’m the one who’s called. You know, the best friend thing is the real deal here.” Taemin wiggled his eyebrows and stood up. “I’m going to skip the meeting and you better go because I don’t want to listen to more whining with your name in it.”

“Wait, why was Sehun saying this about me…?”

“Because he’s an actual adult and knows how to deal with his shit. You should learn from him and don’t forget, at four today in Chanyeol’s music room.”

Jongin could only nod because he knew he had no other choice but gulp down his fears and go for it. The worst which could happen was for Sehun to hate him until both of them die or probably kicked him in the balls. The best could happen for both of them to speak, Jongin to apologize and maybe try to end up together at some point of their lives, so that Jongin could speak about his perfect love story.

However, Jongin knew that nothing was going in the way he wished for because when he arrived there and asked about where everyone was, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo who were the only people in the room told him that Sehun, Jongdae and Baekhyun got a cold. The explanation was that they had to stay until later in one of the clubs because the owners wished to speak with them, Kyungsoo had to leave because of his early morning classes, Chanyeol was too drunk after the concert for them to rely on him and Jongin had been missing the last couple of times they played, so they stayed later that night and walked back home while being sweaty in the cold weather.

“Didn’t they have money?” Jongin asked because as much as he felt bad for his friends, he knew they could even use their damn phones to catch a taxi or something.

“I don’t know, Jongin, but they’re all sick, I’m surprised you haven’t noticed, you’re living with Jongdae.” Jongin nodded, he noticed that he was at home all the time and usually it was only him and Chanyeol leaving the flat for the last few days and he had really missed seeing and hearing about Sehun too, so maybe it was the real deal but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do anything about it.

“So, Sehun is at his home?” Jongin asked awkwardly, he was curious and from the understanding look Chanyeol send him maybe he was worried too.

“Yeah, at the dorms, Jackson should be with him now because his classes finished. You can check on him.” Kyungsoo kept on speaking as if it wasn’t big deal, while Jongin’s throat felt as if someone was choking him.

Jongin decided that a nod was enough for him to confirm that he was going to do his own thing now and probably run towards Sehun’s dorm which was on the other side of the campus, which was awesome because he could run and clear his mind and maybe decide against it. However, he was worried and he wanted to see Sehun and he wanted to apologize and he wanted to kiss him and catch his cold and be sick together.

His thoughts were getting wilder the closer he got to the dorm where Sehun was and at some point Jongin decided that he was worried about his mental health and probably he should go back home and put himself in the pleasure of his fluffy blanket of ten years and just hide from the world. Nothing was on his side though, because just when he was going to turn around and walk all the way back home, which was outside of the campus, towards his shared flat with his friends, which was two streets away from the university and it was close to thirty minutes walk, Jackson had to notice him and call his name while waving his arms in the air, Jongin wasn’t the only one turning around, so he had no other choice but approach him and check what Jackson wanted from him.

“Hey, nini man, you come just on time.” Jongin wished to make a remark about the nini man, only Jongdae and Chanyeol were calling him this, but Jongin got reminded that Jackson had heard it too and liked it so much that he fell from his chair while laughing like some high hyena, it was cute, kind of, as long it wasn’t Jongin’s name but apparently he brought the jokes inside their friendship clique.

“Hey, Jackson, what’s up?” Now was maybe the time when Jongin was in need of a punch, he noticed Jackson’s frown which stayed for a second before his wild smile came back and it was honestly so cute but Jongin wasn’t into Jackson so he couldn’t coo at it either.

“You know, Sehun is sick and I have to be out through the whole night.” Jackson scratched the back of his head and he looked a little bit sad at that, so Sehun was a lot sicker than Jongin was told. “Can you check on him for a while, man? Just until he falls asleep, also I should be back home around three am or something.”

“Okay, don’t worry, can I get inside without card or keys or whatever you guys are using?” It was tempting, for Jongin to be alone with Sehun, it meant that they could talk as long as Sehun wasn’t high on meds or whatever he was taking right now.

“Yes, just say to the guard that you’re my friend and you have to check on Sehun for me because he's sick and you’re in.” Jongin nodded and bid his goodbyes with Jackson while walking back towards the dorms. Now he had no other choice and he couldn’t run away like the coward he turned out to be.

Everything passed smoothly with the guard and he got a detailed explanation where the room was, so Jongin couldn’t get lost even if he wanted to. A few minutes later he was in front of Sehun’s dorm room and he was counting to ten before he knocked on the door and Sehun slowly but loudly came to the door, coughed into his face when he opened it and glared at Jongin for a good five seconds before he moved away from the door and moved back to his bed.

“Hi, Sehun,” Jongin greeted because he knew it was the proper greeting someone. Sehun only nodded in reply and Jongin could feel his temper slowly waking up again and this wasn’t the best sign for possible confession.

While he was staring at Sehun, standing in the middle of the room and scratching his back looking disgusted, he realized the small puppy tattoo on Sehun’s ankle and the stars on his left hip bone and also he noticed that the dragon actually reached a little bit of Sehun’s shoulder blade and for a moment Jongin wondered how he couldn’t see them before. He got reminded that he only saw Sehun barely naked in the club’s toilet, not to mention that the light was quite awful and he was too busy fucking Sehun to actually notice things about him. This all was making it obvious the type of a bastard Jongin was and he wasn’t proud of himself.

“What do you want, Jongin? If you’re for the fuck, I can’t give you any since I’m sick and with a fever, so I’m all gross and sweaty.” Sehun spoke his words calmly and moved towards his messy bed, sat down with a groan and his eyes turned up to look at Jongin.

“I came here to check on you and well, Jackson told me to keep an eye on you until you fall asleep.” Jongin felt so out of it being inside Sehun’s room.

“Aw, the new superman of the century came to take care of the poor dirty soul which is me. I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be a dick, Sehun.”

“I’m not the one calling the one I just fucked a whore in their face.”

“I didn’t call you a whore!”

“You made it sound like this, you dick!”

Jongin stayed quiet after that because Sehun started to cough and he sounded so close to spilling out his lungs that Jongin got worried and he knew that Sehun was right, so denying it would only lead to a bigger fight and maybe he was going to turn out to be a bigger dick than he was now. 

Once the coughing calmed down, Sehun moved up in his bed and put the blankets around himself and shivered before he sighed with relief when the warmth engulfed him. Jongin stayed on his spot, biting his lower lip while thinking how he should approach Sehun from now on without making a fight out of it.

“I have a crush on you.” Jongin said words calmly but his heart was beating so fast inside his chest. Sehun’s attention came back on him and it was something at least.

“Do you often call your crushes whores? Because if you do, this is not the right way, Jongin, you should learn.” Sehun replied with a sarcastic voice, he didn’t believe him, Jongin concluded.

“You were my first time, you bastard! I have the right to be bitter about it!” Jongin was petty, like a high level of petty and a lot whinier than he wished to be.

“And you were mine too, you shit, but see where we are right now. You were the one who avoided me once you fucked me and you looked so fucking scared when you woke up next to me that you gave me no other choice but wait for you to approach me and who knows maybe start to fucking date with me and you did nothing, you fucked up idiot!” 

Jongin was amazed how Sehun could speak so much in one breath but then he started to cough and Jongin got him a glass of water. Sehun gulped it down but he kept on glaring at Jongin who was still trying to understand the new information he got.

“I was your first time?” Sehun rolled his eyes, so he was. “But all the rumors about you before that were they true?”

“I told you that you shouldn’t listen so much to the rumors, I was a virgin and I was fucking sixteen when I let you fuck me on the dirty floor, it was because I liked you a lot. And I hoped you’re different but apparently you were not. There were two other guys fucking in the bathroom, I walked there, I saw them, they beat me up and then started the rumor that I like it hard in the bathroom. Half of the school saw me coming out of the bathroom bleeding and with messed up clothes and things started since then.” Sehun coughed again and cuddled his blankets some more.

“And the rumors now, what about them, are they not true too?” 

“Dude, I wanted to try things and I did, but since everyone knows me for the rumors they decided that the spicing them up would make them feel better about themselves. Yes I fucked a drunk guy outside of the campus and yes I sucked off my professor but it was because we were dating and he was into it. Yes, I tried coke and Jackson is to blame but it was one time thing and I almost got in the hospital. I don’t fucking smoke either.” Sehun sighed. “Do you want to know more or this is enough?”

“You dated a professor?” 

“He was thirty-one, and I’m into older guys so why the hell not, he was such a good fuck too but he had to change universities since the pay here was low and we broke up. I wouldn’t have broken up with him otherwise.”

Well now things made sense more. But it didn’t change the fact that Jongin could have everything now if he didn’t run away from Sehun that time years ago and maybe he could make things easier if he didn’t act like a dick in the toilets a couple of weeks ago and maybe he had to trust Sehun but he knew deep inside he still didn’t trust him enough and maybe he’d never trust him fully and this wasn’t a good start of a relationship.

“I don’t trust you.” Jongin confessed finally. He thought that Sehun had to know about it, if they even tried something once they were feeling better and they weren’t so angry at each other.

“Well, I don’t want you to touch me, so we’re even.”

“So what now, we can’t make up and all this?” 

“Jongin, I don’t have a crush on you anymore, even if I was close to it at some point, you just fucked up your chances. And now you’re saying you don’t trust me, like do you want me to start crying and begging for your love?” Sehun shook his head and coughed some more then snored and sighed. He sounded so tired. “If you want something to happen work for it, I’m so done with you that I don’t think I’d bother anymore. You had years, quite a lot in high school when I tried to approach you and maybe pull you closer but you screwed me after one damn fuck, so you should fucking work for it.”

Sehun moved out of the bed to take his meds and then turned around back inside his blankets, coughing a few more times and finally he fell asleep. Jongin couldn’t stay inside the room anymore, so he slowly and quietly walked out of the dorm, made sure it was locked and then he started to walk back towards his flat. Now he just had to decide if he was going to work for winning Sehun or he was just going to move on and wait until his heart was healed again and ready to accept someone else, someone who wasn’t Sehun.  
-4-  
What was the best way to make Jongin realize how stupid he had been? Just bring the truth right in front of his eyes, in a way that it’d feel like a slap on his face and maybe a kick in his balls and a few drinks of the worst scotch ever snored through his nose. Maybe all of this and another kick in the ass for the sake of it, really, even Jongin could agree with all of this.

Ten days Sehun was missing and he was sick, Jackson was a permanent calling machine for ten days so that he was going to ask how to take care of Sehun when he got worse or to inform the band that he was getting better. Ten days in which Jongin thought Sehun might end up dead from the cold and the rumors were once again hard and going as if the people who came up with them would get a reward. 

It started with an overdose, something about Sehun getting too high in one of the concerts he and his band had, something about Jackson bringing all the coke and Sehun getting a couple of more snorts than usual, then it proceeded with some big fat ass needles inside his veins and some more heroin for the sake of feeling alive and eventually Sehun got an overdose and the doctors barely could save him. Jongin would be clapping for the imagination if he didn’t want to kill the ones who came up with these ideas.

Then it turned out to be an overdose with a mix of jealous lovers and the long lost husband Youngho to be coming back to save Sehun’s ass. Youngho indeed came back but he was back because his grandmother was sick and she might die soon, so he came back. And since he was already in the city he decided to visit Sehun and because Jongin had forgotten that he was Youngho’s friend too, he met the guy a couple of times too. 

“Were the rumors about Sehun this brutal?” he had asked when he heard the whispers of how Youngho would be cheating on Sehun with Jongin because Sehun was a fucked up junkie.

“Maybe with the years they had gotten worse.” Jongin replied and he felt so ashamed of himself. He was one of the people who believed the rumors, some of them were worse than the others and he was sure that if he didn’t know what was going on, he’d thought them to be the real truth.

And so that Jongin would feel the most awful human being, Sehun had to come to the band meeting, still sniffing and wrapped around his big red scarf and bright red beanie, bringing a few sheets of music and a shy smile on his face. Apparently, the sweet person Sehun was, while he was sick and probably barely standing, he sat down with his guitar and tried out melodies, so that he would be useful to the band.

“I tried some things with the melody, I can’t compose, so I’m not the best but I thought that maybe with some changes over the tones and the pace of the song it would suit some of lyrics more and all of us would complete each other?” Sehun cleared his throat when he noticed the attention on him. “Of course I don’t think I’m right! So you shouldn’t listen to me, so yeah…”

“You precious little fucking shit!” Jongdae threw the sheets away and Jongin had to run to catch them. “I fucking want to kiss you right now! You would make our lives easier, I’ve been thinking about this and even spoke about it with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol but they didn’t know what to do about it and here you are, doing it without either of us asking you!”

Then Sehun returned the hug and smiled widely, while still sniffing like small cute puppy or maybe kitten and Jongin knew that maybe he had to do something about it. Sehun didn’t spare him a look and it meant that Sehun was for real when he mentioned that he no longer liked Jongin and it was a little bit painful to think about it but Jongin was slowly but surely getting ready to apologize to Sehun. He wanted Sehun to know that he was serious. 

However thinking about it, ended up being a lot easier than done, which shouldn’t be surprising because if you were Kim Jongin, nothing was easy. He was sure flowers and good wine wouldn’t impress Sehun, neither some good coke and weed, he was sure that if Jongin brought him fried chicken, he wouldn’t be impressed either. Jongin didn’t even know if Sehun liked fried chicken at all and it might be a problem because Jongin’s blood was made by fried chicken and he was in need for it more than anything else.

Being lost about his Romeo actions, Jongin had to ask for help and for help he asked. Jackson had snort some orange juice when Jongin asked him and then laughed as if he had lost his mind and ran away from Jongin with the words: “just fuck him good boo and he’s yours,” which wasn’t helping because Jongin did it and it didn’t end up well, so he would skip this part.

Next was Kyungsoo, Jongin could only blame the upcoming exams for Kyungsoo’s lack of enthusiasm and maybe it was because Kyungsoo was quite unsure if the whole Sehun-Jongin relationship would end up well, because he thought that as cool as they might be as individuals, they were fucking different and he didn’t want a murder cases in his band.

“Just give him cookie and a love letter and if he says no, just jump from a bridge or something.” Was his final reply and Jongin wondered where did he find friends like this?

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“When it comes to you, nini man, I’m always serious and you were a dick so I don’t blame Sehun if he says no.” Kyungsoo sipped from his tea and Jongin scrunched his nose, he really needed new friends.

When he asked Youngho who was half devastated because of his grandmother and half amused because Jongin was like desperate teenage girl ready to swipe her future husband when she was fourteen, or less brutally just awkward teen dude trying to confess without being stupid human being, Youngho just patted his back and smiled sweetly at him.

“Whatever you do, Jongin, remember that I might be younger but I’m taller and stronger and you’d end up dead if you hurt him one more time. Now good luck, baby, get that pretty ass spanked by Sehun.” 

Jongin was really the joke of his friends when they had nothing else to do. Although he didn’t doubt about Youngho killing him, he was protective over his friends, Jongin included, and Jongin was surprised why he wasn’t beaten by Youngho yet, but probably Sehun’s nice soul had something to do with it.

Asking Chanyeol and Jongdae turned out to be small disaster but in the same time the best decision Jongin had ever done. Chanyeol was more for dick jokes and drug jokes because apparently this was how he got closer to Sehun to begin with and Jongin couldn’t understand how this was possible.

“Making fun of the rumors about him makes him happy for some reason.” Chanyeol who wasn’t actually drunk, he had never been, he was just having weak immune system and drank some things which smelled like alcohol and he had fun pretending. Jongin was a little bit betrayed for knowing this after years of knowing Chanyeol, but he wasn’t surprised because no one gets high grades while being drunk all the time.

“So I should confess to him while making fun of his rumors?” now this was confusing. Jongdae was the one who shook his head and moved closer.

“No, you already confessed and he rejected you. It’s nothing to do with the confession, now it’s all about the acceptance.” Jongdae nodded excitedly.

“So I screw the new confession and try to show him how much I crush on him?”

“How much you love him.” Chanyeol added with a wide smile which screamed danger at Jongin.

“I don’t know if you love him yet, wouldn’t that be a lie?” Jongin was confused, sure his so called crush stayed for years and maybe he was feeling more heartbroken than he was letting out and he was regretting ever opening his mouth because it had ended with a disaster and somewhere deep inside he knew that even Sehun’s smallest smiles were brightening his days, so maybe he was feeling more than a crush but he wasn’t ready to go this far yet.

“Okay, then we skip the love part and we can proceed to the other part, serenading!” Jongdae jumped excitedly and winked at Jongin.

“You want me to sing to him, I know you’re all in a band and probably music is in your whole fucking bodies, but count me out.” Jongin was ready to move out and far when he heard this option. He sang and he still could sing and probably he’d be singing in the future too but he wouldn’t do it in front of Sehun like this.

“Listen to me, he’s romantic, despite the tattoos and the chocolate cigarettes which he eats and not smokes, he’s romantic and he’s all for it, also you might actually inspire him to start composing and the dude is good.” Chanyeol was nodding at the back agreeing with Jongdae’s words.

“He’s not the best but he knows what he does, the current changes he did, we’re going to rock the stage.” Chanyeol was excited, this was good, Jongin would be dead soon.

“So what I grab a guitar and start singing my undying love for him?” both Jongdae and Chanyeol frowned. 

“No, this is going to be a lie and he’d catch it and you’d be avoided more than anything.” Jongdae had a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Why don’t you come up with what you want to tell him?” Chanyeol tried next. “Like write down everything he makes you feel – from the good to the bad parts.” Jongdae clapped his hands and jumped next to Chanyeol, patting his back. “We’ll help you with a melody and you can totally screw the actual serenading and like come to one of our concerts and you can sing it there. We’re going to make Sehun be out of the stage or by the side so that he could hear it and you make an eye contact like the cheesy romantic movies and if it works awesome, if not, you’re free to go.”

Now this was one good idea, Jongin nodded in agreement. He could do this, it wouldn’t hurt so much and it might lead to both of them at least speaking to each other if nothing else and it was nice because if he screwed up some more, he could actually come and go and forget with a little bit regret but he’d tried his best.

Once he thanked his most precious friends right now and for the first time he wasn’t kidding when he said it, Jongin ran to his room and locked himself there for the next few days. He knew that Kyungsoo had found them a night at the club on the other side of the city, but from what Jongin gathered the money were good so no one would deny it. Sehun was coming too and it was the perfect opportunity because they were going to be performing there through the whole night, kind of like a small personal concert and Jongin knew he could do it.

When he said down on his desk, he realized that he couldn’t write beautiful poems like Chanyeol and Kyungsoo did for their music, neither could he do the high notes as Jongdae and he couldn’t play any instrument, so he didn’t know what he would be doing. However, he was determined and so he took out one old notebook and started to write.

Jongin wrote how sorry he was for being such a disgusting human being and not trusting the one who owned his heart. He wrote about how much he wanted to touch and love Sehun, he wrote about how much he denied his feelings but his eyes were always on Sehun, now and back then when they were still too young to know what to do and how to approach each other. He wrote about the times he cried when a new rumor about Sehun came out and he felt broken. He wrote about how much he didn’t wish to believe the rumors but he couldn’t stop himself. He wrote about Sehun’s smile, Sehun’s tattoos, Sehun’s hair and eyes and nose and fingers. He wrote about how hot Sehun was playing but then explained that it wasn’t all and Sehun was so much more than a hot fuck in the dirty toilets.

And somewhere in between all the words written on the paper and Jongin’s running thoughts, Jongin realized that he was crying. He was crying because he was stupid and he cried because he actually loved Sehun in some way. Maybe not the type of love which was screaming, ‘I’ll die for you so accept my marriage proposal’, but more of ‘I love you and I want to be with you even when we might both end hurt’ – Jongin didn’t think it was possible.

When Jongin was done with the crying and he read everything he had written and once again he realized that he wasn’t lying, he called Chanyeol and Jongdae, so that the three of them could brainstorm over his confession song. At first it was hard because they all wanted it to be a ballad but the lyrics which Chanyeol did suited more the fast pace songs and they had to rearrange quite a lot of things but three days later, Jongin had a new song.

He was so excited about it that he barely could hold himself back and it was quite the sight to see. Jongin was always with his headphones, humming the melody and making sure that everything was perfect. Jongdae and Chanyeol had promised him that Sehun was going to be listening to the song and that they could have some time alone later in their flat. Jongin was all over his friends with the excitement and happiness he was finally going to do it.

Through the days while Jongin waited for the day to come, he didn’t forget the small notes by Sehun’s side or the small cute flowers and some sweets. He made sure that Sehun would know they were from him and he was seeing how from the deep frown on Sehun’s face, a cute and nice smile was coming out. At some point Sehun was so used to getting the small things by his side that he was looking for them and Jongin was making sure that he’d never be late to give them. It was his peacemaking and he was sure that Sehun was slowly accepting him again. It was a big step, Jongin decided.

However on the day of the confession or the serenading as Jongdae liked to call it, Jongin was ready to run for his life. Too many people were there, it was too much of a concert than a small club activity. Everyone was screaming their names, they wanted for more and Jongin wasn’t ready for it. He was actually shy and nervous in front of so many people. Jongdae was first to notice his nervousness and told him that he should calm the fuck down, in two songs it was his time and he couldn’t run away now. Jongin nodded, he wasn’t going to run away, he might screw everything though.

Sehun’s attention was on him too, leaning to ask Chanyeol what the fuck was happening to Jongin to act like this and Chanyeol just shook his head because he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do either. He couldn’t spill the beans for Jongin but Jongin was close to a panic attack. Sehun was going to approach him but Chanyeol stopped him and shook his head. Jongin was sure that he was going to kiss Chanyeol then, he was the best friend ever.

Later when it was Jongin’s turn, everything was too bright, too much noise, too many voices at ones calling for him to start, Sehun was on the side of the stage, frown on his face, he didn’t know about Jongin’s singing part and he was gently kicked out of his place and Kyungsoo told him to fucking listen. Jongin wasn’t ready for this but it was Chanyeol who started first and Jongin closed his eyes. He needed to calm down and finally when the right time came, Jongin started singing. 

He sang about everything he wrote about Sehun, just the words were short and the details were less, but his emotions were there, he could feel his tears coming out and he knew that maybe his voice would crack but he didn’t care. He was a cry baby, he was emotional and he was stupid but he regretted it and he noticed how everyone was quiet, maybe it was a mistake for him to sing this. But when he opened his eyes, he saw how everyone was staring at him, some with tears in their eyes, others were quietly cheering him up, some couples had embraced each other and when Jongin stopped singing, sniffing and wiping his eyes, everyone roared for him, clapped and shouted. He was thanking them and was ready to run away because he wasn’t ready to face Sehun, he couldn’t do it, not when he felt so miserable. 

On his way to running away, strong arms embraced him and warm lips found his for a brief kiss and they mumbled against his to wait after that.

“Don’t go anywhere, do you hear me?” Sehun mumbled against his lips. “You run away once, you don’t have the right to run away again.”

“I won’t.” Jongin replied and kissed Sehun back before letting go back on the stage and Jongin walked towards Kyungsoo who gave him a warm jacket, a hot chocolate and a wink.

“You did well, nini man.” He said and Jongin chuckled, he did well, but he felt as if he broke himself all over again and it was now Sehun’s turn to fix him or destroy him.

But Jongin waited, he waited and his eyes were only on Sehun, they were on him, they drank everything which was Sehun and when everything was over, Sehun ran to him, grabbed his wrist and pulled him away. Jongin followed him without saying anything, just waiting and when Sehun kissed him again, he knew that he was accepted, maybe not forgiven but at least it was something.

“You still need to work hard for me.” Sehun said but he had his arms were around Jongin, pulling him closer and Jongin hid his face on Sehun’s chest and chuckled between his cries.

“Thank you.” He said and Sehun kissed his head.

“Don’t hurt me because this is your last chance, if you screw it, we’re over.”

“I won’t, I promise.” 

And since then their new beginning had started.   
-5-  
“A skirt? I didn’t think you’re kinky.” Jongin was holding the bubble gum pink (and awfully short) skirt in his hands and started at it.

“And you said you’d do anything and absolutely everything I asked you to, in that song you decided to sing in front of everyone.” Sehun replied calmly while he was looking at his nails.

“This was six years ago for fuck’s sake! What would your precious fans think if they see their guy fucking another guy in a skirt?” Jongin was bitter, he didn’t mind all the things Sehun came up when he and the band were back and Sehun had seen something he should experience, while Jongin had to smile even though his ass was hurting while interviewing on national television.

“You said no when I asked you three years ago to marry me, so you should do this for me now, you dick.” Sehun winked at Jongin even though his voice sounded as if he was ready to punch Jongin in the face.

“Sehun, you were drunk back then!” Jongin hid his face in the skirt and it wasn’t the best decision because he knew that Sehun was having the time of his life snickering and probably thinking of the jokes he was going to make about Jongin.

“I might have meant it.” Sehun shrugged and bit his lip to stop his giggles.

“You could have asked when you were sober if you meant it.” Jongin moved his head away from the skirt and looked up at Sehun, trying to glare at him as much as he could.

“You broke my hope for marriage, so don’t blame the alcohol. Now put the damn skirt on.” Sehun clapped his hands as if it was going to help him with making Jongin content with the fact that he had to put something so short and tight on himself.

“After you’re done fucking me, I want to do you with the skirt on.” Sehun laughed then and patted Jongin’s shoulder.

“And you said I was the kinky one.” Sehun stuck his tongue out and let Jongin move towards their bedroom and get ready.

Six years and a lot of struggles later, Jongin could say that he had done the best thing back then when he sang the song for Sehun. They had to deal with their different personalities and change themselves in order to keep on being together but still be themselves and accept the other. The rumors kept on going for two more years before Sehun and the band, without Jongin, got into a company and soon they ended up being one of the most interesting rock bands. 

Jongin was proud of them, while staring at them on the TV and getting backstage when they were close to congratulate them all and kiss Sehun goodbye before he had to get back home, check his essays and eventually graduate. Probably it was his connection to the band but maybe it was Jongin’s own charm that once he got to be an intern, he got into the TV shows and got a position which sometimes meant that he had to show his face for a whole hour over the programs and other times just to write an article or interview someone for five minutes and be over.

The life had changed so much, Sehun and Jongin were living together now, Jongin staying at home more than Sehun but it still was theirs and a place where Sehun knew he could call home, come back to all the time no matter when and he’d get kissed and taken care of. Jongin was seeing Kyungsoo more than the other guys since he had decided that managing a rock band on their level would be too much for him and he was simply helping them around but most of the time he was in his office managing his own business.

Somewhere on the way Chanyeol and Jongdae turned to be full time fuck buddies and at some point decided that they could be considered married when they messed up their hair colors and ended up with purple instead of red and Jongin had never laughed more. Sehun was on the side hoping that he didn’t mess up his hair too because one disaster with orange and later bright red was enough for him to quit his life.

And even after six years, Sehun and Jongin had their moments when they couldn’t stand each other and they fought. It was either for how Sehun didn’t come back home even though he was gone for a month and he could be with Jongin. Sometimes it was about the lack of interest coming from Jongin when Sehun was back home and he had so many things to tell him. Sometimes it was about how they weren’t meant to be together, but the moment they suggested that they should break up and be over with this thing, neither of them could agree and do it.

When they were angry, they slept in different rooms and when they missed each other, they were cuddled on the couch. Sometimes when Jongin was sorry he’d pamper Sehun with kisses and apologize to him with a love making and small bites here and there so that no one could see them. Other times when Sehun wanted to say sorry, he’d bring Jongin to their bathroom and clean him, kiss him and push him against the wall. Sehun would wreck him and then bring him back together with the promise of being his forever and Jongin couldn’t say no.

If someone told them that sometimes their relationship wasn’t healthy, they’d agree. But they couldn’t let go because the day Sehun accepted Jongin back and Jongin had written the words he sang for Sehun, both of them knew that this wasn't going to be easy and they still went for it. Even now when they knew something was wrong between them, so many words unsaid and hidden emotions, Jongin still put the pink skirt on and he still prepared himself. He still walked towards Sehun on their couch and he still kissed him as if Sehun meant the world to him and he did mean it.

“I love you.” He’d whisper and Sehun would pull him closer.

“I love you too.” He’d say and then touched Jongin under the skirt.

Even when it was meant to be fast and hard Sehun took his time. He had two fingers inside Jongin only to make him sigh contently to be full, Sehun would kiss him as if Jongin was his breath and world and everything to keep him alive and Jongin would bite his lower lip because this was his reply. He’d be the one waking up Sehun from the reality and bring him back home where he could be only Sehun and not the bassist, the light of the group, the one who got the most praises and the one who was bringing the group out.

When they were connected, Sehun was deep inside him, Jongin would hum their songs, repeat the lyrics which were begging for love or the ones who would make Sehun pull him closer, touch him deeper, make him cry from the pleasure and then be contently wrecked. Sehun played with the skirt, he was deeply thrusting inside Jongin but he was chuckling when he realized how tight around Jongin’s waist it was and how Jongin tightened around him when Sehun pulled the skirt.

Jongin would groan and whine and Sehun would kiss his temple and unbutton the skirt because he might be a shitty lover at times but he’d never let Jongin feel uncomfortable for long and he was sure that all Jongin would be feeling was his pleasure. And Jongin did.

“Baekhyun asked about the orgy plan again.” Jongin mumbled against Sehun’s neck. They had been done for a while but still connected and Jongin felt so comfortable, a little bit sore and he could still feel Sehun inside him, close to getting hard again and he knew soon it was his turn but he wanted to stay like this, wrapped around Sehun.

“I already told him he can put the orgy in his lovely butt.” Sehun replied and nuzzled his nose in Jongin’s hair and sighed. “You used my shampoo again.”

“I missed you.” Jongin replied sleepily. “Do you want to move to the bedroom?”

“Just a little bit more, you’re so warm.” Sehun said just as sleepily and pulled Jongin closer to him, slipping from him and Jongin let out a whimper, he didn’t mind being connected like this.

They shared lazy kisses and small touches here and there before Jongin demanded for Sehun to bring them to the bedroom. Jongin had put the lube on an easy place to grab from the bed and he demanded from Sehun to prepare himself. While Sehun was doing it, his eyes on Jongin as if he was challenging him, Jongin pulled the skirt up on him, he was too tired to do anything and made sure to show to Sehun that he was going to be riding him no matter what. Sehun was willing to follow the order.

It was nice how willing Sehun was to please him, no matter if it was for the sex or something else, Sehun was always willing to do it. He was too loyal, too in love, too nice and too sweet, they had never fought about this, they couldn’t because Sehun was perfect and Jongin got used to it and he became like him at some point.

Both of them hissed when Sehun moved down on Jongin but they kissed while waiting for Sehun to get used to it and then they moved slowly. Sehun was trying to be nice and sweet and Jongin was willing to take everything. Both of them were tired, too exhausted from their jobs but were just as desperate for each other.

Both laughed when Sehun yawned while he was still slowly riding Jongin and he leaned down to put his forehead on Jongin’s chest, apologizing about it. It was so unsexy and if it was someone else, they both knew that it was going to mean that the sex was boring but it wasn’t. They loved being connected and they wanted more from it but their bodies needed their rest.

“I think I’ll get soft soon, fuck.” Sehun groaned and bit Jongin’s chest, making him giggle and run his fingers through Sehun’s soft hair.

“Same, babe, same.” It was Jongin’s turn to yawned and both of them laughed.

“Holy shit we’re like old men.” Sehun let Jongin slip out of him, but he didn’t bother to move away from Jongin and instead hugged him like a koala and started to kiss his neck and bite his ears.

“Indeed, want to leave the shower for tomorrow?” Sehun hummed. “Are you here tomorrow?”

“Yeah and the day after tomorrow, we can go on a date.” Sehun suggested and yawned again. “Fuck, I hoped we could have this sexy night today.”

“Some other day, tomorrow maybe.” Jongin said and he knew that even tomorrow they might spend it in front of their TV, cuddled together with something to eat and sharing slow kisses without anything to heavy. But they were going to be together and Jongin thought that it was enough. Being together with Sehun was enough and he knew that Sehun thought the same.


End file.
